So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
