I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
