Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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