She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
