I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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