Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
