Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
