my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
