you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
