Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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