I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
