: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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