i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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