can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
