i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
