How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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