been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
