I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
