:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
