This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
