DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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