My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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