we have pet lesbian snakes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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