I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
