I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
