he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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