you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize