How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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