I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
