I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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