i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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