I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
