isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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