i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
