why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
