He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.