I heard we made out
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut