New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night