Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...