So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.