Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.