i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
