I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
