and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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