I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
