Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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