you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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