dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
