At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
