drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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