She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
