New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
