I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
