You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
