omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
