Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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