found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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