you're like a bully in the Christmas story
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
