last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize