You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
