i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude. I can hear the air.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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