i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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