After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
