I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
