She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
