It's a beautiful day for a hangover
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize